1. INT: SABIRA'S ROOM DAY
Sabira and Kaylee two 15 year old school girls are sitting on Sabira's bed in her room you can see her lamp and desk,it is set in 2010.
Sabira and Kaylee two 15 year old school girls are sitting on Sabira's bed in her room you can see her lamp and desk,it is set in 2010.
Sabira
Yunno we should be going
sighs
sighs
Kaylee
Chill Sabby everything is going to be fine
Sabira
grr
sighs
sighs
2. LOCAL STREET EVENING
Sabira is walking down a dark Alleyway and hears someone behind her,the camera turns around to see noone is their,she is wearing a coat and boots.
Sabira
who's there?
shaky voice
shaky voice
3. INT: CHARACTERS ROOM DAY
Sabira is sleeping in her room,you can see her bed and desk and a small lamp,she awakes to a noise.
Sabira is sleeping in her room,you can see her bed and desk and a small lamp,she awakes to a noise.
(Sabira is sleeping and awake to a noise)
Sabira
who is there?
urgent voice
urgent voice
Camera follows her gaze into the corner of her room where something moves.
4. EXT: WINTER SNOWING
Sabira is walking down a street,in a coat,jeans and snow boots (tracking camera).
Sabira is walking down a street,in a coat,jeans and snow boots (tracking camera).
she see's footprints appear in the snow of her path.
Sabira
gasp
she stops and stares at them
Sabira
whats happening?why is this happening?......
5. INT: WALKING UP THE STAIRS IN HER ROOM.
Sabira is walking up the stairs to her room,when she gets stopped by her mum who asks if shes okay.
Sabira is walking up the stairs to her room,when she gets stopped by her mum who asks if shes okay.
Sabira's mum
Sabby
stern voice
Sabby
stern voice
Sabira
yes mother
Sabira's mum
Are you feeling okay you've hardly spoke today?
questioning gaze
questioning gaze
Sabira
I'm fine mother
sighs
sighs
Sabira's Mum
but you've hardly said anything....(she carries on but Sabira heads up the stairs)
6. EXT: SHES WALKING THROUGH AN ALLEYWAY WHEN SHE COMES ACROSS A WEIRD MAN(CLOSE UP)
Sabira is walking through an alleyway(in her coat and boots) when she comes across a tall boy in a black cape.
Sabira is walking through an alleyway(in her coat and boots) when she comes across a tall boy in a black cape.
Sabira
who are you?...what do you want?
The strange boy stares at her with a curious expression.
The man
wait..you can see me?
shocked expression
shocked expression
Sabira stares confused and shocked
sabira
what?,what do you mean can i see you?,obviously i can your standing right infront of me!
hands pointing towards the man
The man
wait this is,but if you can see me?..
sabira
if i can see you what?,your crazy!
shouts
the man
wait miss,come with me
sabira
what?,come with you are you mad
begins to walk away
the man
wait!
runs towards sabira and grabs her
sabira
get off me!
screams
the man
shush miss i will bring you to our world,everything will be fine
sabira
what do you mean get off me,get off me now i order you,you strange person
the man
but if i am strange then you are too
the man and sabira disappear into thin air,then the road is silent,a croak of a bird is all you hear
END
1.INT: SABIRA'S ROOM DAY
ReplyDeleteSome good details at the start of the scene. You need to add punctuation to your dialogue. Also be clear about your stage directions: who sighs?
2.LOCAL STREET EVENING
Good use of camera angles. Is the street busy or deserted?
INT: CHARACTERS ROOM DAY
Sabira has almost certainly changed her clothes in the last two scenes. What is she wearing here?
You need to be slightly more detailed here; what moves? You don't have to reveal what it is, but what sort of size was it for instance?
4.EXT: WINTER SNOWING
This might be difficult to film Krystalle; I love the idea but the footsteps effect might not be possible with our technology.
5.INT: WALKING UP THE STAIRS IN HER ROOM.
Describe Sabira's mum's appearance. The location of the scene is the stairway, not walking up the stairs in her room.
Sabira is walking up the stairs to her room,when she gets stopped by her mum who asks if shes okay.
Some lovely dialogue, make sure you add punctuate it correctly.
6.EXT: SHES WALKING THROUGH AN ALLEYWAY WHEN SHE COMES ACROSS A WEIRD MAN(CLOSE UP)
You need to change your scene heading to the correct location. Really interesting so far, I can't wait to see the end!